“When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.”
Searching for the perfect jewelry as I prepared for an evening gala, I visited my mother’s jewelry box. Sorting through an assortment of pins, earrings, bracelets and necklaces, I found the perfect pair of earrings. As I polished them, I was transported back to Christmas 1962 when mom received these elegant earrings from my dad. On the precipice of my teen years, I had just opened my gift from dad, my first piece of jewelry. Still excited about my shiny new watch, I remember mom opening the tiny box that held the earrings that I selected to decorate tonight’s outfit.
Memories are a powerful and rich gift of the mind and the heart. Though the function of memory is to collect, store and recall information, when grieving the loss of a loved one, memory involves more than simply retrieving an event. Without expounding on the science of emotional memory, it is reasonable to conclude that the emotive content of memories can comfort and heal us. At its best, a grieving heart merges recall, loss and the pleasantness of our loved one’s presence. As I put mom’s 60-year-old earrings on I didn’t simply remember that night, I re-experienced the joy of Christmas and my dad’s deep love for my mother. Even though memories can be bittersweet reminiscence is more than sentimental, it is therapeutic. I stayed a few minutes with the memory of that Christmas evening and experienced what clinicians call “emotional memory.”
“Emotional memory is shorthand for denoting the memory of experiences that evoked an emotional reaction. It is most commonly used to refer to the ability to consciously remember aspects of those experiences; in other words, the term is used to describe the effects of emotion on episodic memory.” (https://link.springer.com/referenceworkentry/10.1007/978-1-4419-1428-6_1008)
Some grieving people say that they don’t like to remember their deceased loved ones, because “it makes me sad.” Indeed, remembering brings on more than the details of an event, it reignites feelings and reactions, whether good or not so good, that are imprinted on our hearts, rekindling the emotional aspects of a past event. But herein is the opportunity for new insights and healing.
Not all of my family Christmases were idyllic, in fact, far from it, but holding these earrings and the memory of that night for a short time, reminded me of times that were good; of parents that loved each other deeply, of a dad that was aware his daughter was coming of age. Each of these ideas prompted yet another healing, hopeful emotion. For these few moments, I was both a delighted teen and an adult grasping the preciousness of my early life and the love of family. More than a simple bejeweled adornment the earrings now offered healing.
The gala was wonderful and my Christmas memory made all the more sweet when someone said, “I love your earrings, they are perfect with your outfit.”
