Things You See in a Cemetery

I recently visited the grave of a young woman I loved as a family member, a friend and a former student. The visit got me thinking a lot about cemeteries and how our culture’s trend toward cremation and scattering of ashes, will ultimately affect the purpose and reminders that cemeteries offer us about life, death, and the afterlife. This blog reflects my experience that day at the cemetery. Except for the photo of my family plot, the pictures were taken at Oak Ridge Cemetery in Dennis, MA. 

Cemeteries have become popular places to walk, perhaps because they are usually quiet, have safe surfaces and a walking pattern, similar to a track, that can be easily repeated. At this time of year the magic of autumn in the changing trees adds a special beauty to the quiet. Cemeteries are sacred spaces where nature and love have met.

When not using the cemetery as an outside fitness center, we typically go to visit the grave of someone we love.  When I visited recently, I left my friend a cardinal ornament which reads, “You will always be in my heart.”  That is why I go to cemeteries, because my heart needs to waken to the presence of a person who has passed from this life but is still with me. One mother visits the grave of her son every evening, to say goodnight to him, tucking him safely in her heart, just as she tucked him in every night when he was a child.

When we walk through a cemetery, each carefully, uniquely decorated gravesite reminds us of two things – first that someone lived and is still loved because someone has taken the time to honor the site. Secondly, just like the uniqueness of each person, each gravesite is distinctly decorated. Seeing the variety in a cemetery reminds me of the power of our individuality, the sacredness of each personal story.

Stories carries meaning; gravesites carry their message. This one reminds me of children, angels and praying. I wonder about the person interred here, was it a child? Was it a person who loved prayer or angels?  I  think whoever it honors was simple – the natural stoned edging, the child angels, the prayer, each remind me to keep life simple.

Love is the purpose of life and love is eternal.  As the character Sam in the movie “Ghost” turns toward heaven, he says to his beloved, “It’s amazing, Molly. The love inside, you take it with you.” I believe that, but I also know that some of each person’s love stays here with us, that is what makes us eternal, we are love bound, everywhere, forever. On my cemetery tour, these two gravesites reminded me that it really does all come down to love.

Benches have become popular in cemeteries. These are so inviting and remind me that our loved ones continue to welcome us to sit a spell and spend time with them. Truly, we don’t need a cemetery to do that, but I have always thought it such a powerful message, especially to young people who visit a cemetery, that it is healthy to spend time with the dead so that we may be enlivened by the memories and experience the presence of their heavenly love and energy.

This gravesite filled my head and heart with so many thoughts.  Who were these people, what is the message they give cemetery-goers?  Cemeteries are places where our thoughts can wander, a place to question, to see the world in a different way, and to come to grips with the beauty of diversity. What was your first reaction to this gravesite? It’s healthy to reflect on what world shows us that we were not expecting.

On my walk through the cemetery I saw this and respectfully kept my distance. A picture is a thousand words…..

This is my family cemetery plot. So many things come to mind as I gaze at my surname on a headstone: memories, people, my childhood, the loss of my brother and parents. We will all die, and we may or may not have a gravesite, a headstone, or even have survivors who need or want a specific place to mourn their loss. But one sure thing cemeteries do is to remind me that I am mortal. One day my incredible, wonderful journey on earth will end. Perhaps I am comfortable in cemeteries because I am becoming more at peace with this eventuality.

My advice: to gain some perspective on life, take a walk in a cemetery.