The Menagerie

I admit to loving teddy bears and sleeping with at least one every night. But more than providing childlike comfort, my bears bring to mind and heart so many of the people I have loved in this world who are no longer here. The bears in my special collection were each crafted from the clothing of people who have died but live on in my heart.

Twenty-four years ago a dear friend of mine passed away from a brain tumor. Although I was intimately involved with her care for months and witnessed each step she took away from this world, when she died I was not ready. Hearing about a woman who made specialized memory bears using people’s clothing, jewelry and small mementos, some of us ordered “Carol memory bears.” Thus began a quarter century tradition of making bears, pillows and other  keepsakes from the clothing of the special people I have loved and lost. Today, I have a menagerie of bears, a whole lot of memories and a constant reminder of some of the most remarkable people life has given me.

This is the teddy bear I had made when my mom passed, fashioned from the last piece  of clothing I bought her just days before her death. On special occasions like her birthdate, death date or Mother’s Day, this bear takes centerstage as the other bears move to the back, So it is with each of the special people my bears represent, they each have their turn of being first on my mind and in my heart.

Grieving individuals often mention feeling like there is a hole in their heart and that something is missing. I am not suggesting a teddy bear or pillow is a replacement, but I do know that we are physical beings who concretize our feelings, and that a physical reminder such as a photo, piece of jewelry, or personal belonging of someone who has died, gives us comfort, because it reminds us that our experience of love and physical presence was real.

It has become fashionable for some people to wear jewelry that contain ashes or the thumbprint of their loved one. Every day for the two years that separated their deaths, my 98-year-old dad wore a dog tag with my mom’s fingerprint engraved on it. One of the more beautiful pieces of jewelry I have seen is a teardrop necklace that holds the ashes of someone’s beloved.

We are finite beings, but the touch we put upon each other’s lives is infinite.

Mementos, be it a teddy bear, jewelry, or photo remind us of love that will never end.