Snuggle up with a good book
A death phobic, grief illiterate culture is in part the result of avoiding conversations and education about death and after-life care. This is curious because education is power, and so to avoid talking or reading about something leaves us ignorant about it. The winter months are a good time to snuggle in and read a good book, so I humbly advise my readers to include some books on death, grief and mourning on your winter reading list. Gleaning wisdom from those who have made sense of a death loss will prepare you to help others suffering a loss, and will no doubt help you with a future loss. Today I recommend four simple-to-read, wisdom-packed books, to help get you started with grief literacy.
If you are a grieving soul for whom poetry offers solace and insight, I highly recommend getting to know Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer. Rosemerry’s son took his life on August 14, 2021, thereafter her habit of writing a poem a day took a new direction. Her latest volume of poetry, The Unfolding was published October 1, 2024. With characteristic simplicity, deep passion and exquisite twists, she wrestles with the loss of her father and her son. Rosemerry is the poet laureate of Evermore, an organization whose mission is “dedicated to making the world a more livable place for bereaved people.” https://evermore.org/our-mission/
Rosemerry describes how poetry can help impact grief: “I believe poetry can help us meet the most difficult moments of our lives. It doesn’t make things easier. It offers no answers. It fixes nothing. But it does offer us a way to touch our grief, to connect with the lives and deaths of our loved ones, to give voice to our anguish, to find compassion for each other, to fall in love with the world that is left, to find solace in community, to express our heartache and to explore the complex landscape of our hearts.” (https://evermore.org/our-poet-laureate-rosemerry-wahtola)
One superpower of a poem is its ability to draw us in deeper with each reading. Even if poetry is not on your regular diet of reading, I highly recommend getting acquainted with this incredible woman.
Another insightful read for appreciating the grief journey is Permission to Mourn: A New Way to Do Grief by Tom Zuba. When the unexpected death of his wife followed soon after his daughter’s death and then six years later his son’s passing, Tom Zuba found that sometimes you just need a book that hasn’t been written yet and he knew his book had to be written. A how-to book, written as a stream of consciousness, this book covers the common concerns of grieving. Tom’s most important lesson for the griever is to let yourself mourn. Sounds simple, but it is necessary advice because many people stop grieving, either because it overwhelms them or because their grief makes people around them uncomfortable. In this well-written, deeply thought-out narrative Tom keeps things real and simple!
It’s Your Funeral: Plan the Celebration of a Lifetime Before It’s’ Too Late by Kathy Benjamin Planning your funeral is one of those necessary tasks that many people declare they want to do but never get around to. Kathy Benjamin endeavors to bring it to the top of your to-do list by offering a simple workbook to guide you through the process. This book is informative, practical and user friendly, and it’s one of the least expensive of such books. The introduction describes the work this way: “Planning your own funeral is an act of love, an important aspect of mental health, and – thanks to this book it’s going to be a heck of a lot of fun.”
Kathy Benjamin has not missed a single topic concerning death, funeral rituals and legacy techniques. For each topic, she carefully gives history, information, and ideas, peppering in a fair amount of humor for this sometimes-frightening topic. She makes the work of planning one’s funeral simple yet comprehensive, sincere yet amusing. There is so much knowledge about after-life care packed into this small book that despite working in the industry for many years, I learned quite a few things. If you’ve been meaning to plan your funeral, or you are helping someone plan theirs, this is a valuable tool for a mere $16.99.
Finding th
e Words: Working Through Profound Loss with Hope and Purpose by Colin Campbell remains at the top of my recommendation list for a worthy resource on grief, mourning and loss. For my full review of this book read my blog published May 2, 2024 using this link: https://blog.milesfuneralhome.com/finding-the-wordscolin-campbell/
Happy Reading! If you are interested in participating in a book club around one of these books, please email me at [email protected]
