One less gift under the tree and one less face to see.

Posted on December 5, 2024 by Rev. Pam Reidy under grief, loss, mourning
Comments Off on One less gift under the tree and one less face to see.

The grieving heart is acutely aware of its loss during the holidays. Managing your emotions can become a real challenge. There’s the shopping, the heightened expectations of family and traditions, and incessant Hallmark movies depicting an unreal world in which the main character has a mediocre life, a crisis, and a magical, picture-perfect ending. But we are not characters in a Hallmark movie and when we have experienced a deep loss, much to our dismay, the holidays still come around, without a magical ending.

It is normal for the intensity of grief to be heightened during the holidays, manifesting as a tumultuous moment or general chaos, created by a never-ending to-do-list, without the will and energy to accomplish it. Often the bereaved live with an unspoken desire to return to normal and can react strongly to well-intended but misguided advice such as “he would want you to be happy” or “this Christmas will be hard, but you can get through it!” Despite a temptation to just avoid the holidays the griever needs and deserves the comfort and joy the holidays bring. Balancing grief with the human need for love, companionship and celebration is possible during the holiday season. Finding the sweet spot between feeling hollow and being a part of the warmth and closeness can be challenging, but it is possible. Incorporating your grief emotions into your choices, activities and traditions will take a bit of planning but will ease some of the loss of one less gift under the tree and one less face to see.

Make yourself a comfort and joy box. Fill it with things to access when you need comfort or joy.

Feeling grief acutely during the holidays is inevitable and so you must pay attention to an increased need for comfort. Comfort heals, opens us and prepares us for the next moment of our lives. Joy lifts the heart, and like a magnetic force connects us to others. Here are some simple reminders that may help you keep your balance between grieving and tolerating comfort and joy:

  • Accept your Feelings
  • Take Care of yourself physically and emotionally
  • Prepare your heart and calendar to include comfort and joy
  • Plan For and Accept Changes
  • Make Time for Yourself
  • Ask for support and help
  • Set Realistic Expectations
  • Engage in Healthy Distractions,
  • Embrace Unhappy and Happy Memories
  • Blend Old and New Traditions
  • Live Gratitude
  • Welcome the Ordinary Moments
  • Talk About Your Loved One
  • On Your Darkest, Dine Out with a Trusted Friend
  • Practice Purposeful Hibernation, Trust in the Seed Growth in These Moments

Augustine “Og” Mandino II, born in Natick, Massachusetts, was an author and salesperson. He wrote he bestselling book The Greatest Salesman in the World.  I recommend keeping a famous quote of his with you through the holidays. Read it whenever you experience the struggle between your grief and the world’s joy.

I will welcome happiness for it enlarges my heart; Yet I will endure sadness for it opens my soul. I will acknowledge rewards for they are my due; Yet I will welcome obstacles for they are my challenge.”- Og Mandino.