On Being an Apprentice in Sorrow
An apprentice is a person that accepts the guidance of an expert who has the skills the apprentice wants to develop. An apprenticeship is a long-term commitment in becoming a master of a discipline. Receiving instruction under a more experienced colleague to master the skills of their future role, apprentices agree to work with the expert who assumes responsibility for their student’s professional or personal development. Taking their lead from the master, the apprentice yields to the expert. Religious orders have long designated their apprentices as “novices.” Novices retain this title until they have developed a deep understanding of the community and have acquired the necessary spiritual attributes to make a lifelong commitment. Apprentices in the trades work toward certification in their chosen field and lose the title apprentice when they meet their required qualifications. Most of us are novices in grief and could benefit from an apprenticeship with the sorrow that arises from our grief.
I first heard the phrase “apprentice in sorrow” in Francis Weller’s book, The Wild Edge of Sorrow. Weller proposes we take up an apprenticeship with sorrow as a means of processing our grief. In this case, that skill is becoming a vessel in which grief can be held, worked and transmuted.
“In the language of that old apprenticeship, the culmination was to become a master craftsperson. In the language of soul, this long apprenticeship doesn’t lead to mastery, it leads to elderhood. This is what we are deeply missing in the collective, is someone who has undertaken this long faithful journey with grief and has allowed it to work them in ways that opens them to the capacity to become a ripened human being, capable of showing up for the world.” (Francis Weller)
As an apprentice in grief, the bereaved person works to develop their inner self as they integrate a significant loss into their life. As an apprentice in sorrow they are trainees in grief and novices in the practices of mourning. They are students of fear that grapple with the implication of C.S. Lewis’ legendary remark, “No one ever told me that grief feels so much like fear.” Often beginners in sadness, the bereaved become schooled in the ways of melancholy. As amateurs they learn to abide in darkness and as tenderfoots they become experts at weeping. Embracing their grief, the apprentice advances from the level of beginner to intermediate to advanced.
The days of thinking about grief as a linear, achievable conquest moving readily from denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, are gone. Grieving a loss involves painful, long-term spiritual, physical and emotional work. The reward is a rich, personal and compassionate view of our inner self.
If you wish to explore this topic more deeply, consider Miles’ upcoming Sharing Hope Seminar.
Grief: An Apprenticeship with Sorrow
Saturday, September 14, 2024 1-3 p.m.
Holden Senior Center – 1130 Main Street, Holden
