Of Death and Dragonflies….
For the last few months I served as spiritual midwife to a friend dying of cancer. It was a long, difficult journey for her and a powerful, sacred experience for both of us. There was no question in her mind that life would continue after she died. She believed that death was an end, but a beginning as well. Like all of us, she didn’t know exactly what that meant, but she was certain it included a reunion with those she loved on this side of the veil.
She resisted death and took her time yielding to the inevitable loss of the life she knew and loved. Undoubtedly, her young age and very full life, certainly her love for her family and many friends, kept her entrenched in an emotional stance that would not easily surrender to the inescapable. Yet, one thing remained persistent; she was very sure she would connect with us after she left. As she progressed closer to death, she honored the call to take the next step, to let go of the pain and suffering of this life so as to journey toward the people and new life awaiting her. It was a beautiful thing to watch her embrace the mystery of death and it was a sacred event to witness her family embrace the inevitable. This is what being holy is and because of their fidelity, she had a peaceful, wonderful death.
The other day I was sitting by the lake and a large dragonfly landed on my chair, flittering madly, as if trying to speak. After a few moments of gazing at its beauty, it dawned on me..…it was my first post-death sighting of her! I have never really been near to a dragonfly or taken notice of them, but this one was flapping so madly that I couldn’t ignore it. I just sat there trying to take it in as it stayed for what seemed like eternity. Of course she would come to me as a dragonfly. She loved the water, she flitted everywhere, and she relished landing anywhere to establish new relationships. Of course a dragonfly, as they are the supreme sign of transformation and her transformation to the next world was the cornerstone of our relationship. I knew with every fiber of my being… it was her!
Dragonflies transform from water-borne insects to airborne adults, so they are often thought to represent change in self-realization, or a change in one’s mental or emotional maturity. Likewise, the traditional association of dragonflies with water—and the way they tend to flutter across its surface—symbolizes one’s seeking to find what’s beyond the surface and discover the deeper meaning of life. I will long remember the beauty of that dragonfly as I move on with my friend in a new way. I will relish this sighting as her declaration that she successfully and fully transformed from a child of this world to a saint of the next. “She is home.” Though my work as a midwife of the soul is done, my grief work in establishing the new relationship with her, has only just begun.
The dragonfly reminds me that anything is possible. The dragonfly represents hope and infinite possibilities, not surprising for an insect that has been around for more than 300 million years and lives worldwide. Some Native American tribes believed that dragonflies were the souls of the dead. A dragonfly visiting a loved one who has died could mean that the loved one’s soul was taking the form of a dragonfly.
Among the many uses of this image for griefwork is a group called, The Dragonfly Project that consists of “volunteers who send condolence cards carrying a message of hope to people who are grieving.” They look up names in obituaries, then put together and mail packets out; usually 3 to 6 months after the death has occurred. Each packet contains a condolence card, a copy of the dragonfly story printed on the inside cover and a dragonfly keychain. You can further explore their mission and/or purchase their products at: https://www.dragonflyproject.org/
Like the dragonfly, may we embrace change with grace and may we find beauty in every stage of our journey.
