Having the Talk….
Pre-planning and pre-paying for funeral care has become more popular. Parents want to ease the burden of their loss on their children, single people seek to make their death easier for nieces, nephews, and individuals who have had a great experience with a funeral home want to ensure the same for themselves and their survivors. While much of funeral service involves care of the physical body and memorial rituals, pre-planning has the added aspect of one’s legacy.
Interestingly, finance is not the primary reason people shy away from preplanning. There are several reasons, not the least of which is a lack of clarity about how they want their life to be celebrated. Similarly, many people have given little thought to their personal beliefs about an afterlife. Planning your funeral care offers a unique opportunity to review your life, articulate what is important to you, reflect on your beliefs, and share your legacy with loved ones while you are still alive.
Having sat with hundreds of people to plan a fitting tribute for their deceased loved one, I am amazed at the number of people who cannot answer questions such as: “How would your loved one want to be remembered? What did s/he believe about the afterlife? What was their greatest joy in life? Feeling a bit sad that people know so little about their loved one’s inner life, philosophy and wishes, I have become a huge proponent of “having the talk.”
Having the talk can not only be meaningful, but it can also be enjoyable. Gone are the days when talking about our death is a thing to be dreaded. There are several ways to go about it, but a favorite of mine is The Funeral and Memorial Information Council (FAMIC) program Have the Talk of a Lifetime. It is designed to help people with important conversations about the things that matter most to them, and how a person can be remembered and honored in a meaningful way. The program is inexpensive and comes as a deck of cards that contain questions to help the conversation get started. Some of my favorite questions include:
- What does your perfect day look like?
- Describe the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?
- For what are you most grateful?
- What was your first job? Why did you choose that profession?
- Tell me about your faith or spirituality.
- What is something very few people know about you? (Have the Talk of a Lifetime. NFDA© )
There are several decks, including one for children, one on the theme of celebrations and a general deck. If you are ready to embark on a meaningful conversation that enriches relationships, share your legacy and helps with pre-planning a meaningful life tribute, visit http://www.talkofalifetime.org/ and get started. There are also several good YouTube videos with sample conversations families have had to begin talking about their funeral care. (https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=talk+of+a+lifetime)
Whether or not you have preplanned your afterlife care, your legacy is an important aspect. I strongly urge you to devote time to sharing your life story, accomplishments, and the joys and sorrows you have experienced.
